


Reunion

by ceirdwenfc



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Other, Sacrifice, between season 8 and 9, castiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 21:59:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/872413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceirdwenfc/pseuds/ceirdwenfc





	Reunion

Forever wasn't as long as it had been only moments before when his grace was snatched. Tears rolled down his cheeks while Castiel stood motionless until the last glowing ember disappeared into the night sky. He was numb. Rebelling wasn't the same as being cast out and if anyone suggested it was Cas felt that he could smite that person where they stood.

He clenched his fists, but opened them again. He was a strong man, six feet tall with a runner's strength, but his _strength_ was gone; his power bestowed upon him by G-d, and taken away by the scribe. He tasted bile at the mere thought of Metatron, and now he wondered how Dean got through a day without killing everything in his path when he had to say names like _Azazel_ and _Zachariah_ or _Lucifer_ and _Meg_ after all they'd done to him and his family.

Castiel wasn't surprised when he tasted the copper but quickly rubbed his thumb across his lip where he'd bit through til it bled. He searched the sky for a few minutes more and when the darkness was complete he walked.

**\---**

Waking up in the hard chair at the small Oregon bus station, Castiel leaned his back over the top and stretched until the bones stopped cracking. The ticket window was finally open. Castiel waited while the line emptied and he approached the front, dropping his crumpled bills on the counter until his pockets were empty.

A bit of back and forth complete with eye-rolling, hand gesturing and breathing deeply through his nose along with several of 'I need to get here' and 'sorry, we don't go there' and 'or there neither', and Castiel finally had a route planned and paid for.

He used what was left of his money to buy a couple of granola bars, a bag of chips and two bottles of water. He had been eyeing the six pack of Michelob, but that would have taken more than he had, and from previous bus experience he did not want to be bus-sick again. He borrowed a phone, confirmed his pickup in Salina and finally settled into his seat, his pockets crammed full of his 'necessities' meant to last him on the two day trip.

He was pleased that no one sat beside him and he stretched himself out as best as he could. He had abandoned the wool suit jacket rolling it into a makeshift pillow and covering himself with his trench coat that had seen better days.

As he slept, rocking side to side and up and down along with the motions of the bus, memories that were slow to fade came back to him in bursts.

Hearing Michael and Lucifer when he was just a young angel.

The wonderment of the human race, and how easily he understood G-d's adoration and protection of them. He watched them grow and fail, and in their failing built so much more, so much bigger and he was astounded at their capacity for learning and being and for good, and sadly also for evil.

Years and millenniums passed a lot faster in his memory than during the actual passing of time as he lived it. He'd walked the Earth before; why was this time different?

He wasn't a rebel by nature, but knowing the Winchester brothers changed his nature. He still wasn't a rebel, but he _was_ a humanitarian filling his empty spaces with compassion and learning the difference between right and not, between good and not, between honest and not. It wasn't a simple calculation of right vs. wrong or good vs. evil or honesty vs. lies. Humans were so much more than simple words tied together; their meanings so much grander and Castiel barely had the capacity to absorb it all in its complexities and its simplicity.

Having his brothers in Heaven angry with him was not the same as not having them at all. They were all gone. _All_ of them. And it was _his_ fault. His stolen grace caused the fall of every angel; how could he live with himself? He barely survived the last genocide he caused in Heaven.

He stifled a cry. His heart ached from the magnitude of it all. He laid his throbbing head against the cool glass of the window. This did feel better until the bus hit a bump and his head bounced back against the glass.

He slept again, only opening his eyes and raising his head to get a glimpse of the countryside, trying to get his bearings. Everything was dry and dusty. All the way through Colorado, smoke hung in the air from the fires and his throat was impossibly parched even after filling his empty water bottles in the onboard bathroom and drinking them eagerly.

He blinked back into this existence, realizing that they were almost at the stop. It wasn't an official stop, but he was told to get off here even though he paid for the next 175 miles. He was asleep and missed the welcome sign at the border, but it didn't matter much. He wouldn't be welcome anywhere. Too much had passed.

The bus pulled in and the driver told them they could take a smoke break; he was going to. He nodded to Castiel in acknowledgment that this was where Cas was supposed to be. His jacket must have fallen in the night and Cas couldn't find it. He didn't care. He wouldn't need that suit anymore.

The dry air hit him in the face like a furnace blast and he blinked through the dust.

"Cas."

He heard his name called out, but he paused. He was scarcely holding himself together and he wasn't prepared to face anyone. Even with the plans made, he expected to be forsaken, arriving at an empty parking lot. He prolonged it as long as he could, steeling himself for whatever would follow.

Part of him hoped that he had been abandoned in the end, and would be left to wander alone in the wilderness from here.

He glimpsed the familiar curves of the black car, a feeling of subtle comfort rising in him. Despite his stiff movements, he tried to nod at them. Sam and Dean both had small smiles but Sam hung back leaning against the car while Dean closed the distance between them.

"I wasn't sure you'd come."

"Why would you think that? You're family. Of course I came."

The matter of fact way that Dean called him family was too much for Castiel. The adrenaline of the last few days, following Metatron through the bogus angel trials, the taking of his grace, the falling of the angels, the bus ride from Hell. He had no place to put it all. If he were still an angel, they'd be cleaning up debris after his explosion, literally, but in this human body…..he had no place to put it or send it or push it back down.

His stomach churned, his head throbbed, his heart pounded, and he felt it all. His mouth dried up and his vocal chords wouldn't work on command, but he managed a weak, "Dean."

He was close enough to touch but he clutched his coat tightly against himself. He didn't know what to expect when Dean put his hand out and touched his arm.

His touch was strong and gentle at the same time; the most gentle feeling Cas could ever remember feeling and the too much of feeling overwhelmed him and he stumbled into Dean who held him upright for only that instant. His knees failed and the two men slipped down onto the dusty asphalt together, Cas leaning against Dean and Dean supporting him as he let out one long sob, but only shook for a second.

They sat there for what was only a minute, but felt like forever and then they rose as one. Dean led him to the passenger side of the Impala. Cas glanced at Sam already in the back seat.

The door closed and after walking around the car, Dean slid in next to him and started the engine. Cas looked straight out of the window. He felt the shock settling in and didn't notice when one of the brothers buckled his seatbelt. Dean put his hand on Castiel's leg, gave him a little squeeze and softly said, "Let's go home, Cas."

For the first time since Heaven's doors closed, Castiel relaxed and closing his eyes, he leaned his whole body into the Impala's upholstery for the ride _home_.


End file.
